Little Mermaid Got Bling

Mermaid… Mermaiden… Mer-Maid-Merby-Calm-Down-On-Bling. Mer puns, merby not funny? Merby I need speech therapy, Merby you’re a C Sea Monster

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

Mermaids are … for all intensive purposes are A.) Drunk Sailors Hallucinations B.) Vicious Divas whom don’t appreciate leering drunk sailors… I know which one I approve of more. I’m firm believer of the peripheral checkout, but as soon as soon as you become shouty or grabbyI’m going to want to drown your ass too. #MermaidProblems #SailorsThisIsWhyWeCantHaveNiceThings

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

Before you launch into a tirade about how much of a monster I am; Mermaids are Mythological creatures (who don’t pay taxes!!!)… I am Sailor-spawn… and even if I did admit to drowning people online… without DNA evidence, you’ve got nothing. Albeit a body – most likely, if you found one covered in Raptor bite marks (again, unlikely… I lick plates clean, y’all!) and coated in multi-prismatic glitter… then maybe I’d be concerned. Until then… *resumes filling raptor talons* your move.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

All jokes aside; Mermaids are the archetypical totem for many young spawnlings… not necessarily limited by gender – Maids, Men, Trans, Inters, Whatevesall little water loving spawnlings who coveted glitter got Mer’d-up. Apart from the super depressing book, where the Little Mermaid dies turns into seaform, the concept of a whimsical water dwelling being is a playful and fun departure from … having a lack of gills and too much leggies… damn you legs.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

My sister Kitty and I used to pretend to be mermaids in the pool, with our matching rainbow marbled flippers. We weren’t as stupid to attempt this feat in open Australian water AKA the ocean… despite how much we’d love to be on News at that age; being featured as a “Missing Children” report was not our jam… nor the appeal of the subsequent a$$ kicking for nearly/actually drowning by the parental units. We were “Not All There” we certainly weren’t “Airheads.”

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

This look is almost too much fun – there’s glitter, there’s studs, there’s shells/seashells, there’s gold… geez. If a Mermaid saw these bad boys in the water; the wearer would probably be drowned and then your talons fashioned into an eclectic statement necklace. Very chic. Very Avant Garde.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

Get this look – matte teal with glossy gold triangle for pinky and thumb. Middle and index are navy to teal ombre, with glitter, topped with gold fish scaling. Feature talon is a WHOLE LOT OF BLING – pearl, rhinestone, gold stud/star/shell detailing and finished with gold caviar in the gaps. Caviar, Darling. 

Fabulous Von Raptor - Little Mermaid Got Bling

Fabulous Von Raptor – Little Mermaid Got Bling

I did do a slightly more wearable/less blingy/likely to get you drowned by a Mermaid manicure… for the more Mer-Modest-Mer-Maiden, Merp. There goes all my speech therapy… I get excited and Merp’ed, for nothing… Bling helps, so does colours and glitter. Actually, better super-size that glitter – I want to breathe the plastic rainbow!

Dude's got his priorities sorted - Human Beings Safety < Safety of Bling.

Lol. Chivalry IS dead as are those red suede booties. Also, Bald-Dude’s got his priorities sorted – Human Being/Damsel/Possible Mermaid Safety < Safety of Bling… Bling comes first, EVERY TIME. A somewhat shellfish lover. LOL, sex and ocean pun. Bam! Sign-Off~

Fabulous, x

So what you think, Darling?

Share your experiences with mermaid shenanigans – any funny mishaps/near drownings/sailor run ins… where did you hide the body *cough* I mean, where did you drop them home to? You definately weren’t the last person to see them alive…

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4 thoughts on “Little Mermaid Got Bling

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