Bodacious Rad Hot Inferno…

Glittery Bodacious Ice Skating Talons – for when you want to look super camp fabulous.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

I love Colour. I love Glitter. I love Theatrics. By association, I love – albeit confused by – Ice Skating… Mostly the costumes… OK, all about the costumes. They’re outrageous. They have movement, interest and very practical – for avoiding smashing your face open while trying to keep upright… at speed!

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

I tried ice-skating once in high-school… it wasn’t for me. Between being dry-humped by my best-mates date’s best-mate – sneaky b$%&# surprised Double-Dated me – and him attempting to “correct my movements” by pelvis shunting me like a train-carriage. Shunted isn’t a bad word… in certain circles… it’s an actual word. I don’t like public frotage, let alone unsolicited public frotage! That one is, however, a naughty word.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

This guy – lets call him “Bengina” (actual nickname appointed on the day – his name was Ben) – was a creepy kid and grew into a even creepier green lens glasses, pleather bomber jacket and corduaroy pants wearing adult. After the abysmal attempt of seduction (I haven’t seen anything miss the target that far since the Titanic – people at least went down on the Titanic… and it was unsinkable), there would of been more chance of him getting anything from me if I did [in fact] fall over, open up my skull and become unresponsive. I would prefer that over being conscious with this creeper. We then worked at the same discount department store – where Bengina made the mistake of informing people that I was a “loose” Raptor… to my work friends and found himself the stores resident pariah – relegated to stocking shelves and coat-hanger disposal. Awksauce. So heartbreaking, lol. He kind of reminded me of a blonder Ted Bundy but with all the charm of Jeffery Dahmer.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

Blek~ and I despise the fact that creepy dude ruined my first ice-skating experience… I can at least talk about it now and appreciate the art form (and associated industries – yay glitter) that flourished around it.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

Ok to get this look – paint two [2] coats of a shimmer red on your feature talon. Then another of a thick red glitter on top. Then a single coat of black – dab away from the centre of the nail. Repeat as many times to get a dramatic contrast. For your other talons, start with a red shimmer to nude ombre base. Cover the nude section with a clear or slightly glittered clear coat – keep the talon nice and even. Press in your glitter, I used AB gold, red, AB red and a maroon. Finish with top coat. Red to nude, bright and glimmering goodness – just like the inspiration for this look. It sparkles like crazy and the AB shine is almost too much. What am I saying? Too much in relation to Ice Skating? We could probably put MORE glitter and rhinestone in there somewhere!

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

If you want to road test your nails, pop on some ice-skates and take to the rink – werk it! Or do what I did – run through your neighbourhood screeching “Dear God! My talons are on Fire! My Talons are on fire.” Extra points if you can corner a small group of startled people finger snapping like a Queen mid conniption fit.

Fabulous Von Raptor - Rad Hot Inferno

Fabulous Von Raptor – Rad Hot Inferno

Had a tightly packed Lycra bunch of fun with this look – lol, Ice Skating “bulge” references. Speaking of fun in Lycra – if you don’t believe me (as to the joys participating/observing it in all it’s glory) – hit up the Tour De France, 80’s Glam Rock, Drag Shows, David Bowie … Labyrinth the movie. David Bowie + Lycra = confusedly perplexed/super focused/interested… really holds my focus.

It;s Ok. He's genitals broke his fall, but he'll never Twerk again. Probably a good thing...

It all Ok. He’s genitals took majority of the impact[ed], but he’ll never ‘twerk again. Probably a good thing… 

Fabulous, x

So what you think, Darling?

Share your experiences with ice skating, glitter and costumes. Any jarring/horrific memories?

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4 thoughts on “Bodacious Rad Hot Inferno…

  1. Nice – very vampy. I quite liked figure skating as a kid and I watched a ton of it in high school when my parents controlled the TV, but I HATED ice skating lessons with the fire of 1,000 burning suns. Lasted for a half year before I begged to be released from my icy hell. 😦

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